You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
