WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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