I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
