I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
