evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
