you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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