Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
