if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
