We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
from now on my penis is your penis
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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