You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
