He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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