dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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