everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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