literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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