i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
