I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had sex on a roof
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
