what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
