Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
