Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
