The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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