Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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