Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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