Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
