and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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