would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
