who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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