i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
