I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
