Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
