Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
