your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
