Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
