im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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