i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this just has baby written all over it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
