the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
