Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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