Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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