I cannot find my penis.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
