Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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