I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
