the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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