I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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