He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
