why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
