the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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