just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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