I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
