So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
