one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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