i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
