I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
