Acid is not a monday night drug
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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