she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
