i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
