i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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