I'm really into asian looking animals
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
